I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
