Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
