and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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