So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize