the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is Oprah even human
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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