Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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