i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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