i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
