you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
