U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
