You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize