How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Houston, we have a squirter
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
