I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The best revenge is premature balding
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
