Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
