I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
