am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
