dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
