1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
