It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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