Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just googled if crying burns calories
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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