The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
