i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
