I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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