i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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