It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
