I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
