We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
