Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize