I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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