just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
