The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
