I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
