True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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