you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
