she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize