Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize