I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
