the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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