turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
