I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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