i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
