Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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