I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
