omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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