I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
