Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
