We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
