You really coming over, don't trick.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
