We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
