i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
