If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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