roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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