so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
