I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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