DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
