I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need water and some morals
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
