How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
