If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
