i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
