I faked an abortion last night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize