Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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