standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will be naked everywhere
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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