There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
