I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
