That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
