dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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