You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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